Today is a day where I feel like society has failed us.
I remember a day, maybe quite a while ago, where everything wasn’t so damned sex-oriented. Where sex wasn’t the ‘cool’ thing, and being a virgin wasn’t ‘awkward’.
I’m a huge supporter of the Slut Walks that happen around the world, and anything women and human rights related. I’m this big ball of ‘be who you want to be’ and ‘do what you want to do’ (yeah, so I wasn’t always that way). But I’ve got a bone to pick.
Since when is being a virgin AWKWARD?
There’s no denying that music today is very sex-ed up. But lets roll back to when I first started noticing mainstream (top 40) hits being sexually intensified.
Was it Britney, who released Toxic way back in the day, and she made young boys every where cream their jeans while she wore and did suggestive things in that flight attendant skirt, who made being a virgin awkward?
Was it Christina (formerly X-Tina), dry humping the air in her ass-less chaps so many years ago, who made being a virgin awkward?
When I was growing up, and correct me if I’m wrong 90’s kids, but getting laid during ELEMENTARY school was (for the majority of the demographic) not nearly as important as beating Pokemon, passing Grade 8 to surpass your grandparents’ level of education, and collecting the newest Barbies– or insert other girly collectable here-. Sex was the LAST thing on my mind. So all of these pre-pubescent kids, because really, anyone under the age of 18 is still a kid, who claim “I-finger-banged-that-girl-and-I’m-only-12”, are a product of being bored, and being telegraphed the wrong message by society– a rant for another day.
Yeah, okay, maybe high school changed the way I looked at the situation, but for the most part, being a virgin still wasn’t that bad.
But now, as I’ve reached my mid twenties and having finished university (where I was in a monogamous relationship the entire time), I’m experiencing friends who are down-right embarrassed about being a virgin. Its like slut-shaming (which anyone who partakes in slut-shaming, you might as well stop reading now, because I don’t like you).
Some have made up stories to make it seem like they’ve had this or that done to them, while others avoid the conversation entirely. They’re afraid. They’re envious of their friends who have f*cked and been f*cked. They’re caught up in this sexually-charged environment, trying to play catch up with their friends. They feel like they don’t belong because they’ve never done the deed.
The deed. It’s not all its cracked up to be. Yeah, okay, its a pleasure-centre overload for some, and for others they spend the entire time faking it. Yes, for some its a right of passage into adulthood. But for others, who have experienced the cruel side of sex, who wanted it so badly (or didn’t but found themselves in the wrong place), very poor choices were made that resulted in future-altering life events. These range from poor choice in partner, resulting in STD/STIs, regretting the entire thing, or potentially having your trust broken about whether they were, or weren’t on birth control. You run the risk of having a partner who is controlling and manipulating and expects a certain level of sexual gratification that you were/are uncomfortable giving. It could just be really bad (as in, they under-perform and ruin the whole damn experience for you). Or yet, it could all turn out just fine and dandy, and you not regret a damn thing. But I find, for the most part, that last part is more uncommon than people let on.
You know, really, when you break it down, you could go out, get trashed at a party, bone (or be boned) by whoever, and get it over with. Or you could wait until you’re in a meaningful and committed relationship and get it on. Or you could do some variation in between. But the reality is, its not that big of a deal, even though, to you (all of you) it seems like it is. No one thinks any lesser of you. No one can tell you are or aren’t. There are no magical labels. There are no red flags or stickers on the back of your car saying you’re a ‘new driver’.
Your body is yours to enjoy, and keep, and render however you want. Whether you put out, pull out, stick out, or butt out, its yours to do with what you will. Being a virgin, whether by virtue of not finding the right person, or just not being that involved in relationships, isn’t a reason to be ashamed of yourself. So stop Slut Shaming yourself.